Chasing Spoons

Being chronically ill, I spend a lot of time online. Some of my most treasured possessions are my iPhone, my iPad, and my laptop. (Yes, I realize this is a "typical millennial" statement.) I've noticed a trend of criticizing others because they choose to wear leggings and yoga pants. Now, I grew up in the South, my momma never left the house without lipstick and my father once refused to allow me to come to the grocery store with him because I was planning to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt. I was raised with the idea that dressing well was a from of respect, both for yourself and others. The only time I ever wore PJs out was for a theme day at school, even then, they were brand new PJ pants and they were appropriately sized. When I was still working, I wore hospital issued scrubs, so I really didn't have a choice in looking like I was raised in a barn.

I have always been the type of person to make sure I look pulled together before I leave the house. In high school, I rarely left the house without makeup, whether it was as simple as some mascara and a colored lip balm and I wouldn't be caught dead leaving the house without straightening my hair. Throughout college, I adopted a more relaxed style (translation: basic white girl style, college edition) but even then, I didn't leave the house without some type of makeup and my hair done. I'm a proud sorority girl and I was constantly reminded that I was always wearing my letters. My momma, may she rest in peace, instilled in me the importance of looking your best, no matter where you may be going. She came out of brain surgery and asked for her lipstick, hairbrush, and a mirror. 

Since my diagnosis, I've found myself wearing variations of yoga pants and leggings, with some dresses and maxi skirts sprinkled in. I sometimes feel like I've let myself go. I've made many adjustments to my routine and my style. Chronic fatigue and chronic pain can take their toll and I frequently find it a monumental task to shower, never mind giving myself a daily blow out and a full face of makeup. I've cut my hair and kept it short longer than I have in my life because of the pain. I've pared down my makeup routine because of the fatigue. And my wardrobe has switched from a handful of business casual, jeans, and blouses to leggings, yoga pants, tank tops, and cardigans.

My days look a lot different since my diagnosis, but I still try to retain as much of my "old self" as I can. When I'm feeling well, this means a fresh blow out, liquid eyeliner with a full face of makeup, and a dress or skirt. But when I'm having a bad pain day or a flare, this means yoga pants and an oversized sweater with a messy bun, some foundation and a touch of mascara. I might be sick, but I will never wear the same clothes out that I slept in and I will at the bare minimum run a brush through my hair and put on some mascara on. I tend to bristle at anyone who admonishes people for wearing leggings or yoga pants to places other than yoga or the gym. I wear leggings and yoga pants because they're comfortable and in the case of my compression leggings, actually help to alleviate some of my symptoms. I'm not condoning leaving the house looking sloppy. Put on some clean clothes that you didn't sleep in and run a brush through your hair. Even if you only leave the house to drop the kids off at school and pick them up that day, you'll be teaching them a valuable lesson in respect and you'll feel better, too! One of my goals for this month is to update my wardrobe to be a little more fashionable in an attempt to regain some of myself while still holding on to my comfy clothes.

Just because I'm chronically ill and in constant pain, doesn't mean I have to look it!